I saw Jesus in LA

1. Jesus is tall.

2. Jesus resides in WeHo.

3. Jesus has a cellphone.

4. Jesus has a Benz, but doesn’t drive it.

5. Jesus is quiet.

6. Jesus is friendly.

7. Jesus commands a street.

8. Jesus is our homeboy.

9. Jesus, at times, leaves West Hollywood for South Central.

10. Jesus says “bangin’.”

11. Jesus has manners.

12. Despite his height, Jesus goes by the name “Shorty.”

13. Jesus likes to walk and takes public transit.

14. Jesus likes Starbucks.

15. Jesus’s real name is Kevin.

16. Jesus likes to garden.

17. Last year, Jesus broke his foot.

18. Jesus doesn’t drink, but he’ll buy you one and not judge.

19. Jesus buys homeless kids burgers from In N Out.

20. Jesus LOVES Steely Dan.

21. Jesus saves!

22. Jesus can sing, and play the piano.